Broken Windshield.

Prepare yourselves for an incredibly awesome cliche...
First off, to clarify on my purpose for this blog, this is to fill you in on the entire journey. Not all of it will be specifically mentioning Thailand, but rather my thoughts, discoveries and questions that arise prior to it. Some of it may seem random, and probably is. Like this one.

Broken. To be broken. It's an interesting thing. Incredibly beautiful and incredibly painful all in one. 


This morning on my way to work at the lovely CCU Welcome Center (call me ; ] ), a van passed me. Wait, it gets better- a little better anyways. A van passed me and kicked a rock behind it. Yep, you've got it figured out- chip in my windshield. So, here I am, at Starbuck's waiting for my windshield to be fixed. Ready for the cliche? Here it is, if the windshield were never broken, it would never need to be fixed. Simple, right? But frankly, I would have preferred it if the thing never broke then I wouldn't have had to pay to fix it. If you think about it, when do we ever really want anything to be broken? 


God breaks us to grow us and draw us nearer to Him. Inside I know I should want to be broken by God, but being broken sucks (that's the professional terminology). That is, when focusing on ourselves, being broken sucks. It is frustrating, painful, annoying, confrontational; yet, beautiful, humbling, empowering, glorifying. That is, when focusing on God, it is beautiful. There is two parts to something being broken, the breaking and the restoration (and the time in between...). Are both parts beautiful? Well, here's my thoughts. Healing can't come without the breaking. When one realizes the product of the breaking, I think it makes even the 'sucky' part beautiful. See, the cool thing about being broken by God is He doesn't just repair what He broke. He doesn't slap a bandage on it, stitch it up, seal it, etc.; our God is a Creator, He molds it. But to mold something, you need material. A small chip is not enough to mold, for God to mold you requires being completely broken. It just sounds fun, right? Here's where the beauty comes in. God doesn't mold you into the same creation you were before; He changes you. This change isn't just a simple, random little alteration, it has purpose. The purpose: to make you more like Him. I once heard someone say that the most unselfish thing God could do was make everything for Him. Sounds backwards, I know, but think about it; perfect God, perfect universe, perfect everything all to Himself. But He let us intrude. He even made the intruders. Not the smartest game plan, eh? I would have kept it to myself; good thing I'm not God, you wouldn't be here. Then, he loves the intruders, sends His Son to die for them and wants them to be like Him. If I were perfect, I would be proud of it and proud of the fact that no one else could reach my standard. Again, it's a dang good thing I am not God; we would all be hopeless. So, that's it, let God break you. If only it were so simple. Getting to the breaking and surrender is difficult in itself, let alone that it's not a 'one and done' deal. See, we have far too many faults, along with other factors: far too stubborn, far too prideful, far too independent. For me, I am all the above. I don't let God break me until I reach my limit and am left hopeless by my own efforts. I'm working on it. Holding God's hand for the before, during and after the breaking= less pain, more joy, more difficult. 
" My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise." Psalm 51:17
Surrender. Trust. Listen. Obey.


K